I’ve never received more hate than I did for posting a picture of ice in wine. “Sacrilegious!” they screamed into emails and “UNFOLLOW!” they chanted in the comments section. How could I curse the sanctity of wine like that? Well, quite easily. While I would never put ice into a ’67 BV Reserve, there are plenty of situations where I want ice in my wine and it is totally warranted.
…As it turns out, there are at least 9 situations:
At the Airport
If you’re anything like me—an anxious person that is pathologically early to events large or small—you’re probably at the airport and through security with two hours to kill before the flight. And while it’s nice to have a few glasses before take off, no one is trying to get drunk or go broke. Airport wine is expensive, and it’s never any good, so why not add some cubes to a $15 glass of repugnant Pinot Noir? It goes down easier, it lasts longer, and you’re out of Xanax and doing the best you can here!
On a Plane
If you have ever ordered wine on a plane, then you already know. If you have not ordered wine on a plane, maybe don’t start, but if you do, get a glass of ice on the side. And maybe a backup can of Sprite with a few lime wedges. While the first couple sips will have you fooled, by the third or fourth you will realize the wine is very heavy and gives you mouth-sweats and suddenly you are very aware of the barf bag in the seat pocket in front of you. You’re not going to want to finish it. Having make-shift spritzers supplies on hand will make the last leg of your Sauv Blanc a pleasant one.
It’s Too Damn Hot
IT’S JUST TOO DAMN HOT. AND YOUR A/C IS BROKE. AND YOU REALLY NEED A GLASS OF WINE. BUT IT’S TOO DAMN HOT. Throw some ice cubes in there. Not only do you want to, but you also have to. You’re already in survival mode, stripped down to your underwear, so this is no time to be concerned with shame.
The Wine Is Terrible (And It’s All You Have)
It’s been one week since you paid rent and it’s three days until you get your next check. Suddenly that butter-bombed Chardonnay an acquaintance left at your house isn’t looking so bad. But good God, it is bad. Not so bad that you are willing to go to the store in your sweatpants and spend your last eight dollars, but definitely bad enough to where you are justified in icing it down.
You’re a Grandma
My grandmother drank ice in Franzia and she was my favorite human ever, so I only have respect for Grandmas and iced wine.
You’re Trying Not to Get Too Day Drunk
Sometimes you find yourself drinking wine at noon. Perhaps on vacation at a lake house, trying to keep up with your mother-in-law who considers Pinot Grigio lunch or maybe just on any given Saturday. I don’t know why you’re drinking at noon, but a good way to way to stave off day-drunkness is by adding ice. It dilutes the wine and keeps your glass a little bit fuller. Plus, you can pretend you’re hydrating and partying at the same time. Most importantly it will keep you from passing out at 4.
Rosé, ice, St. Germain=You’ve got yourself a spritzer. Photo: Christopher Testani
You’re Using Wine to Make Something Else
From frosé to Sangria to spritzers of seltzer and muddled strawberries you found in the back of your fridge, you can transform wine into another drinking experience. And you know what all the recipes call for? ICE.
You’re Stuck Ordering House Wine at a Bar
You should never trust anything that goes by the vague, eponymous “House Wine.” You’re going to give yourself a headache with the amount of sugar that is in that thing. Cut it with ice. It’s so dark no one is going to notice anyway.
You Like It
Wine, above all else, is for pleasure. We drink it because it’s delicious and it makes us feel all warm and fuzzy inside. That’s the realness of the situation. And you should treat it as you would any other personal preference, like the temperature of your steak or ordering an extra side of ranch. It’s whatever tastes good to you, not anyone else. If adding a few cubes has you feeling yourself, bring it to the table because it’s no longer taboo.